Ghost Boy

(This was a previous blog I re-posted because this may be relevant/helpful to some of you at some point or another)

Note to whoever reads this: you will find someone, someone who deserves your attention, who will care for you, and be there for you. If you don’t have it or can’t find it now, focus on your self, fill yourself with love by surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals, ones who will challenge and bring the best in you. Self-love is most important, it outweighs the love that people can’t give you. Once we fully feel whole within ourselves, I promise you being with another person is ten times better. If you are in a relationship, find time to yourself and continue to build your own dreams and aspirations. You can still be in a relationship and stay true to your goals, but communicating is so important. When your with someone constantly, it’s easy to get lost and end up blending/molding into the same person.

I am currently in a happy healthy relationship and this was a post that was created prior to that. I am thankful for these people because if it weren’t for these guys, I wouldn’t have found peace in myself and found the man I had hoped for and more without even trying.

If you have some questions for me or want to talk about stuff, leave me a comment or email me at thebeatriceisabel@gmail.com! I would love to answer your questions.


What is it with these guys? You know the type that would sweep you off your feet one minute and then the next minute they drop you to the ground and shut the door like you never saw it coming.

Do you recognize this type of guy/girl? I really don’t know what type of impression I leave guys. Do I read “she’s definitely a one-night stand” type of girl? I’m sorry, but that’s not who I am. If by wooing me in a nice fancy restaurant, taking me to a nice location at sunset, and talking about future endeavors with me will get you laid…I don’t think so buddy!

I’m tired of all these guys that think they can give you this amazing time to expect a prize in return. I am not your token prize, dude! If it’s not that, they ghost you and expect you to pretend like nothing happened. Why do they do this you asked? So they can keep coming back to you whenever. They go on about how they miss you or ask you how your day was, but it’s basically their way of saying “I’m still here!”

See back then, I would’ve accepted all this bullshit unwillingly…because I was lonely (vulnerable), insecure, too nice, and foolish. However, these days I don’t tolerate people who just come back in my life whenever they want and think it’s fine to do so.

Listen, if you are experiencing the same situation…I recommend the ctrl alt delete method/ block/delete them! No offense to him/her and whatever their going through, but you don’t deserve this in your life. You need distance from these type of people. You will just end up feeling like you could change things, maybe they’ll change, but for the most part I don’t want to entertain something with false hope.

If they ghost you, what makes them think they can just run back to you like nothings wrong. All I have to say to these guys is, “honey, you done fucked up home slice…pack your bags your not staying in mi casa tonight.”

Save yourself the hurt, stop questioning yourself as to why he did this, and just remove him from your life. You will be better in the long run. Let me know your thoughts! xx

 

 

Overthinking

Hi, I haven’t posted in awhile and I apologize friends.

I am a Virgo and as much as I don’t believe in horoscopes, I know this much is true, that Virgos are over-thinkers. Kind of like that scene in Sponge-Bob when all the little Sponge-Bobs were running frantic in his firey brain tossing files and going crazy.

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It’s sometimes hard for me to communicate how I feel because my anxiety reminds me that if I mess it up, the person on the other end would judge me when in reality they probably don’t care as much as I would. It’s not that big of a deal.

Reality: IT’S NOT SERIOUS!

BRAIN: IT’S SO SERIOUS!

I’m sure I’m not the only one that said or did something and replayed that moment over and over thinking if I made the right decision.

Why am I talking about this? Well, my overthinking mind has led me to not asking all the questions I wanted to know because I’m thinking of how it’s going to sound. I think my problem for the most part is I’m always 10 steps ahead and I’m trying to live in the moment and I think over the years, I have gotten better at it. I’m not saying I don’t over think anymore, I do occasionally. However, I’ve learned a few things along the way like self-love.

I knew that I didn’t feel good, I knew I couldn’t sleep so I just tried to trust the process. I learned to train my mind to believe in the timing of my life. I don’t think there’s really any formula to completely rid of things we want to change in our lives unless we fully admit things about ourselves we want to change and how willing you are to change it. It really is just will and mind power. In other words, as Jay-Z says to speak things into existence.

I learned that if it wasn’t now, another thing will come along that’s better. Missed opportunities are pieces of the puzzle that lead you to what you are destined for. I’ve learned that comparisons won’t change your current situation, so stop worrying and start creating a life you want for yourself.

Some of the things that helped me stop overthinking:

  1. Journal/blogging -writing out my problems or just putting thoughts into words helped me see things clearly and put my mind into perspective of what’s truly important
  2. Time away from people -I’m an ambivert and as much as I love company and people, I love quiet me time to help me re-energize so I can talk to people again.
  3. De-Cluttering -throwing away excess and keeping things I need rather than have them all around me, helped clear my mind to what truly matters to me
  4. Cultivating Gratitude -being grateful everyday for things I have rather than not have put my mind at ease instead of worry about things

 

Short hair, don’t care

A day before my birthday, I went back to my regular hair cut. I tried growing my hair out but that didn’t work out for me, so she’s back. Like most people can’t part with their long hair, I can’t part with my short hair. I love this cut because it’s just easier for me and I personally like this length on me more than my longer hair.

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4 Ways To Wear An Ascot

When I worked at Uniqlo everytime I wore an ascot a customer would approach and ask me how it’s worn. My answer usually is it really depends on the outfit. I usually just pair mine with a round neck knit top, a half buttoned up blouse, or an off-shoulder top.

I love ascots/scarves because I don’t normally wear accessories often. I think these are a great way to change the look of an outfit.

Here are 4 ways I like to wear mine:

1) Like a tie or as my coworkers used to call it the “flight attendant look”

I like to do this style when I’m wearing a round neck sweater a basic white t-shirt and some high-waisted jeans.

2) Doubled and tied to the side

I wear this look when I wear an over-sized white button up shirt that’s half way buttoned or when I wear this off-shoulder top

3) A bow

This look is pretty versatile but I mostly wear it with off-shoulder tops

4) Headband

The most versatile of all. I wear this look when I wear mock necks or turtle necks, or when my hair is looking a mess that day

It’s okay to be sad sometimes

 

In the moment of impact (i.e. breakup, job loss, death), sometimes things…no matter how minor or drastic happens in our lives can make us feel defenseless. Yes, at that very  moment it sucks because you’ve invested yourself in it, you’ve put in the effort…you tried you’re very best. First thing to overcome loss is, to acknowledge that you did everything you could in your power for something that wasn’t meant for you. It’s part of life to experience these moments. You probably feel or felt that that was it for you…he or she was it and you would never find anyone else or that was your dream job, you don’t know or want anything else. Failure or loss is one step closer to finding your true calling so don’t worry your little heads.

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream

At that very moment you experience it even weeks after, you will feel it and it hurts like a bitch. God, if I had a nickel for every person that told me “don’t be sad” I’d be rich. Yes, it’s not good to be sad, it’s not good to put yourself down. It’s also not good to bottle those feelings up. Release every emotion you have…express it in whatever way you want.

  • cry
  • cry watching When Harry Met Sally or Pretty Woman
  • write it out on paper, rip it to shreds, and burn it
  • scream into a pillow
  • scream in a secluded outdoor spot
  • slam poetry
  • join boxing

When you release all these emotions you are paving the path/easing in to letting go. You are born to feel, so don’t let someone tell you not to be what you are or  tell you how you feel in the current moment. Who are they to tell you that? I know it could be that they are trying to help, but I don’t think that’s the right way to go about it. In order to find true happiness within yourself is:

  • accepting it happened…so yes, it’s okay to be sad…it’s NORMAL
  • knowing you did everything you could…you tried and that’s what matters

Lastly, time heals everything. Time….time…TIMEEEE! I’m not going to lie, I didn’t see this to be true at first.

I thought my only option was to run back to the person that hurt me and was completely wrong for me because I couldn’t imagine not having them in my life. Then months went by and I realized that it was in fact true, time does heal. You grow and you begin to understand people and you realize what you want in someone or something.

I don’t see any of the problems I’ve faced as a loss, I see them as lessons learned. I see loss as motivation to do better, to be better. I see loss as a chance for me to create better opportunity. I am 25 years old, I have so much to live for and I was worried about a tiny fraction of my life and not looking at the bigger picture. Most of the time we are caught up by these changes that we forget to push forward and find solutions.

Always remember that as humans, we need to feel. Don’t feel weird for being sad or crying. Let it out because that is a chance for you to move on from it by just giving yourself time, give yourself a break. Forgive yourself and forgive others that have wronged you. Be open to new opportunities. I hope that in time, you are able to take on new challenges to love again, don’t be afraid to because life is crazy, stupid, and wonderful like that. We are all just beautiful imperfect humans, so we should help and support each other to be better.

 

Don’t settle.

I consider myself a free spirit. I love to get lost and be immersed by the unknown.  I’m not one of those people fortunate enough to have everything right at my finger tip,  I wasn’t blessed with that lifestyle. I have to work for everything I do to get to where I want to go in the end. I am my father’s daughter after all. I think some people settle for mediocre because it’s safe and they can get by with it. I don’t. I’m not the type to be miserable in a 9-5 job because it helps me sleep better at night.

Never deter from opportunity just because it’s not what you want, do it for now.

Sometimes, we feel entitled because we have a degree and we feel we deserve more recognition for our efforts when we both know we haven’t even proved ourselves worthy knowing we for sure as hell haven’t been alive long enough to experience how to run our jobs with our eyes closed. Sure, you have a sick GPA and you’re great at reciting Tolstoy to make you seem smart, but none of that matters in the workforce. Being able to stay humble, being passionate, and building relationships on the other hand will matter. After all, education is just an added bonus, the icing on the cake.

It all boils down to, what you want to do vs what is expected of you.

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There’s always those traditional fields that people go for, not that it’s bad…it’s traditional. You know doctor or a law enforcer…you get it. For a very long time I felt stuck because I didn’t want any of these jobs.

What I suck at:

  • I was never good, nor passionate about science or math (there goes most of the occupations above mentioned)
  • I hate seeing blood or anything gory (unless I knew for sure it was all fake and part of Grey’s Anatomy, Game of Thrones or the Walking Dead)

What I’m good at:

  • I am a creative and I love to think of different ways we can see our world through writing and music and to help others understand or be understood.
  • visual arts-I am passionate about film, illustration, and fashion
  • collaboration- I enjoy working and building friendships with like minded individuals

I have always been artsy compared to some of my cousins and friends who are in law or medicine. I admire my peers for being so good and passionate for something that I found difficult to grasp, but unlike them art was my calling.  I was the odd one out and it was always deemed sort of unrealistic. I had to deal with constant nagging and reminding that what I was looking for seemed far fetched and that I had to look for functionality and comfort aka arduous and mundane tasks of things I found no interest in because it pays the bills. Equivalent to, attempting to bring 100% to a job I feel 50% sure in.

Not everyone gets to say “I love what I do and it pays well.” Money and passion are two different entities, but are connected. Without love or passion, money is just money, but turning your hobby into a career makes you money, but it isn’t everything. Figure out what your end game is. Is it money or is it happiness? Stop focusing on convenience, on now and focus on your long-term plans in life.

You can’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.

It takes building credibility through relationships, hard work, determination, passion, and faith to put you on the map.

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All I have to say is follow your passions/chase your dreams. I haven’t stopped chasing, I’m still getting there. I’m never fully satisfied if I’m not advancing/progressing. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s settling for mediocrity. I find sometimes it’s easy to settle for things because it’s convenient or safe and you think you have it all, but don’t you want more? If you don’t, sure. But I want more out of life. I’m nearing a quarter of a century and at this day and age, you have to chase your dreams, you can’t sit on it and watch your life pass by.

I like out of the box thinkers and I’m inspired by those in non-traditional fields. The innovators. It’s funny because once you have the mind of a creative, there are people that contradict it “you can’t sustain yourself on unrealistic career paths,” don’t let that discourage you. Those who say this are too afraid to push the limits, they’re afraid to make an indent in the world. It’s not that you aren’t realistic, it’s that they can’t see it happening based on their circumstances and you can. Believe in your potential. 

Here’s what Elizabeth Gilbert has to say, after all she is the reason I made this blog post:

Your Elusive Creative Genius

Don’t let anything or anyone discourage you. 🙂

Love yours,

Bea